And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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