Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
