You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
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Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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