You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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