Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
