the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
