i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
