So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
