He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
