Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
