Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
