Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cockslap morals
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
