alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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