saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
