I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize