His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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