So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize