He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
