If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
