I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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