Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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