He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
