____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
