I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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