Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i dont even know how to be here
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
