Ketchup is God's man juice
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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