I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
