Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
