i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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