Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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