Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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