I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
