watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
