I think I am morally bankrupt
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.