So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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