Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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