When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
