I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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