I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
