You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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