4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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