I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
