i may or may not be watching the land before time
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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