it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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