VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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