Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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