Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Im part way to drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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