i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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