So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you would pick up someone in the library
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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