I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
