Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize