She's JV to your varsity
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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