so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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