You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
