Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
