So drunk its hurt
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
