I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.