he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist