So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.