Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.