dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...