Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
