I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
