I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
