I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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