then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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