in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
