just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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