Porn is love you can see.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
