Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize