I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you win again, gameday.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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