MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
