and she was petting her beer can
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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