my vag is so smooth its legendary
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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