He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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