This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
